Even if you decide not to share the details of your debt problem with your friends and family (and I would seriously suggest that you ought to do so with your close family) you still need to have an outlet for all your concerns and emotions. This should help you to keep your problems in perspective and makes it more likely that you will be able to find a solution to your problems.

In my case the two people that I discussed my problems with most were my sister and my doctor (as I was depressed at the time). My sister provided non-judgemental support and I really looked forward to our weekly conversations. The experience of discussing my problems with my doctor was similar, but he was totally detached from my situation so in some ways it was easier to talk to him. Both were invaluable as I battled to solve my debt problem.

So who should you choose to help you through your debt problem? It could be a family member (ideally one not directly affected by your problems), a minister, a close friend, a doctor or even a debt support group. You need to make sure that whoever you choose is able to listen to your problems and offer advice if requested without being judgemental. They also need to be available and willing to help you. My experience of asking my sister for help was that she was pleased to be asked (although of course a little sad at the state I had got myself into).

Once you have started discussing your problems with someone you must keep on assessing whether this is helping you or not. If it isn’t working for you then never be afraid to stop the conversations (politely of course).

Helplessness

I remember feeling that there was nothing that I could do. I had lost my great salary in the IT industry and I couldn’t see how I was going to get it back. My debt repayments were far in excess of what I could afford even though I had cut out all the spending that I could.

If you are feeling like this you need to start to try and take control. Make a budget and see how close you can get to being able to pay your debts. Get some advice on the debt solutions that are available to you.

Shame/Remorse

It’s OK to feel regretful about the decisions that have led you to a debt crisis but do not overdo it. Blaming yourself too much might lead to depression and inaction. This is the last thing that you need. Try and remember that although you may have made some financial mistakes that does not make you a completely bad person. You still have good points!

Stress

If you have started missing debt repayments you will (or you very soon will) be receiving calls from debt collection agents. Their tone is aggressive and their mission is simply to get you to pay them as much money as they can. They have no concern about whether you can afford to feed your children.  If you have serious debt problems then they are not going to be solved by speaking to debt collection agents. My advice would be to ignore their calls while you select your debt solution. Try and create some space for yourself to make this important decision without interruptions.

Isolation

Debt is a very isolating thing. You may feel that you do not want to discuss your problems with anyone. As usual, keeping things to yourself doesn’t help. Find someone that you can share your problems with in confidence. Either a family member or a friend, a priest or a counselor. Try looking up any debt help groups in you area. It really will help you to deal with your debt problem

Conclusion

If you’re in a debt crisis then you will probably have a whole range of negative emotions. If it is too much to sort them all out at once then take one thing and change it for the better. When you have done that then move onto the next thing. If you are feeling stressed and alone then try posting a message here – you will get a sympathetic response.

photo credit: kamshots

A piece of advice from an old man (well not quite THAT old, but getting there!)

A while ago I read a post on a money blog about how it was possible to negotiate a substantial increase in ones income if one knew how to go about it.  It contrasted this with the more limited benefits to be gained by concentrating on cost savings.  This got me thinking, as I had always been slightly wary of the type of advice that gets you spend a lot of time switching utility providers to save a limited amount each year.  Perhaps my time would be better spent trying to increase my income by a larger amount?  Widening this thought process a bit I decided to write a post about what my priorities for life would be if I was starting out again. This is to try and put the whole personal finance “thing” in perspective!

1 – Live Your Life and Make it Full of People

It is a bit of an over-used saying, but money doesn’t make you happy.  It is people and satisfying relationships that make you happy.  Of course money is important and having sufficient can make being happy a lot easier.  However I find it possible to imagine a situation where I was poor at the end of my life but surrounded by loving friends and family.  I would be happy!  Contrast this with a situation where I had spent my life pursuing material wealth and alienated my family.  I could die alone and be very miserable.  Of course the ideal is to have both, but this extreme example makes it clear to me where my priorities would need to be.

So how to achieve this?  Make time for your friends and family.  Do fun things with them.  Keep up with your network of friends from each stage in your life (school, college, different jobs).  be involved in the community through charities, clubs, or religious organizations.  Have financial aims that are not only about enriching yourself, but also giving to others.

“I would rather die a pauper with friends than be like Mr Burns in The Simpsons – rich but reviled by all.”

2. Be Brilliant at What You Do

In your career, find something that you enjoy and/or are good at.  Strive to be the very best that you can be at this and you will reap the rewards of job satisfaction and (very probably) financial advancement.  If you think about it, the rewards from excelling at your profession are more or less unlimited.  If your current job does not offer any prospect of excelling or rewards for doing so then consider something different. Get some training or consider starting a part-time business.

“I would rather be a doctor with a debt problem than a janitor with a high credit score!”

I will cover priorities 3 and 4, and how I measure up in my next post……

Finally I have managed to complete my ebook. After many late nights and weekends I have recorded all of the lessons I learned from working through my own debt problems.

I sincerely hope that this will help other people that are in debt deal with their own problems.

photo credit: Photos8.com

Being Good With Money Can be Boring!

We all know that we need to budget, watch what we spend, and not put things on credit.  Sometimes this can just seem a little bit dull and depressing!  You start the month feeling sure that there will be some money left at the end for a nice meal out/some new clothes etc. but gradually the money goes on other things.  The car needs to be repaired, the children need new shoes etc. etc.

Temptation is Always There….

This is when the temptation to put things on credit can be very great.  The card that you haven’t used since you got it has 2000 available to spend with zero interest.  The feeling of being freed from your monthly budget is brilliant.  Yes you can afford that meal in an expensive restaurant, the latest techno gadget, or a trip to the theater.

But the Punishment For Taking on Debt is Swift

Take this path and the feeling of freedom won’t last for long.  You will hit the limit on your card, the introductory interest rate will end landing you with a hefty monthly bill.  Suddenly you are back to funding your spending out of your monthly budget, only now you have even less money to spend each month.

Is There Ever a Right Time to Take on Debt?

So when should you be funding purchases from debt?  I think that you should only use your card if you know you can pay the balance off in full when the bill comes.  On very rare occasions it might be worth making a big purchase (e.g. a vacation) on a card if you know that you can clear the balance over a couple of months.  To use your card in any other way is to make yourself permanently poorer.

photo credit: Nexeus Fatale

What is a debt spiral?

This is when the interest/repayments on loans reduce your available income so that you have to borrow more and more each month to keep up.  It is a downward path that leads to serious financial problems and even bankruptcy.

Example

A family has a monthly income of 2000.  Their monthly essential outgoings total 1500 so they have 500 each month to spend on non-essentials or to save.

They decide that they just must have a new car, the monthly cost is 300.  They now have 200 each month to spend/save.

As they are working really hard, they feel that they deserve a holiday and put the 4,000 cost on a credit card.  Monthly repayments are 200.  They now have nothing left to spend each month.

But people can’t live without their little luxuries so they eat out and go to theme parks with their children and increase their credit card debt to 8,000 over the next year.  New credit card repayment is 400 and they are now running a monthly deficit of 200.

If nothing is done about this situation the debt will grow more and more quickly as it compounds up/is added to.  This process will only stop if the family realize that they need to take action or they are refused further credit.  In the latter case the door to bankruptcy is open!

Be on Your Guard

The point of this post is to realize that the start of the debt spiral won’t seem like a problem at all.  In fact it could seem like a really great day.  You’ve rewarded yourself for all your hard work with a new car.  That foreign holiday you’ve always dreamt of is now a reality.

If you are tempted to put luxuries/treats on credit then consider this thought:

“If you can’t afford the lifestyle you want now then how are you going to be able to afford it when you have extra credit bills to pay”?

Taking on credit when you don’t need to is stealing from your future.  Consider the following rule:

“The only way to become wealthy is to spend less than you earn and invest the difference”

You should be able to clearly see that doing the opposite (spending more than you earn and borrowing the difference) is a certain way to being poorer in the future.  Always ask yourself if you really need something before you buy it.  Never buy large purchases on an impulse especially if they are going to be bought on credit.

Without a budget you are not in control of your finances and have no way of measuring your success or failure

But all of the information and tools about preparing budgets are missing the point.  Do people get into debt because they don’t understand that they are spending more than they earn?  I don’t think so.

Preparing a budget is the easy part.  It is sticking to it that is difficult.

I can relate a story from my own slide into debt problems that illustrates the point.  A long time ago I made the effort to total up all my expenses and income.  I worked out how much my wife and I had to spend on “fun” things and decided to keep track of this by the extremely high tech method of keeping this money in an envelope each month.  One day nearing the end of the month we were shopping and my wife wanted to buy lunch in a restaurant.  I said we didn’t have the money (trusty envelope in hand!) and we had an argument about it.  In the end I gave in and we bought lunch on our credit card.  Our collective weakness was a sign of things to come.

There is a reason why lots of people give advice on making budgets but not so much on sticking to them.  That’s because one is simple and the other is very hard and complicated.

No money management tool will solve your money problems for you

Sorting out an addiction to spending is like dealing with losing weight or a chemical dependency.  The motivation for it needs to come from within.  You need to spend time thinking about why you want to spend money – is it to make up for low self-esteem or is it the result of problems in your past or even the way your parents managed money?  Understanding the reasons behind your desire to spend and addressing them is the real key to solving your debt problems.  Once you have done this then you can use any method for calculating you budget – a spreadsheet, a web-based tool, the back of an envelope!  It really doesn’t matter once you have discovered the motivation to sort out your money problems.

A lot of advice also ignores the uncomfortable fact that many people are not in debt because they spend on luxuries.  They have problems because they cannot earn enough for essentials or because of medical emergencies.

Have you had money problems and overcome them?  What was your motivation to do so?

For the short period of time that I’ve got to know Neil, I have realized that he is against credit cards. Here is the US, there are also many advocates against credit cards. The most famous one being Dave Ramsey. I cannot blame anyone for having this view because many of the practices by credit card companies over the last few years have been disgraceful. In fact, it took a credit card bill of rights to potentially put right to many these shady practices. Here are a few examples.

Yet, despite all this, for some people, credit cards can be of help in building a credit history because of the following reasons:

Credit Scoring System – In the US, an individual’s ability of get loans or a mortgage depends a large part on one’s credit history. But to have a credit history, you need to have some credit. Without any credit, you can never have a “good” credit score or FICO score as they call it here. To get a very good credit score in the US, you’ll need to have a variety of credit under your belt. For example, having a mortgage, a car loan and a credit card would help. And if you payed your bills on time every month and you do not utilize all the available credit lines you have, you will achieve a good credit score very quickly.

A good credit score means you will get lower interest rate on your mortgage or loans.

Importance also extends to businesses – Most of the job growth in the US is in the so called “small business” area where an entrepreneur starts a business. To get a credit card for a business, a credit card company looks at the owners personal credit history (and not the business history). So if you are in the US and you have a business, and you need a credit card for yourself and your employees, you need a decent “personal credit score” to get a credit card. And if you business is not well established, your personal credit score can get you business loans you would never have access to if your score was no good.

Important to rebuild credit after bankruptcy – In the US, many people file for bankruptcy because of massive debt burden that can be due to medical bills, lost of jobs and too much debt etc. Prior to and once they emerge from bankruptcy, their credit score will be very low. If the person got out of bankruptcy still current on his mortgage, then he or she can rebuild their credit faster as long they make timely payment on their bills.

For those who do not own a home or a car, but intend to in the future (which is basically most people), then rebuilding one’s credit with a secured credit card may be a very wise financial decision.

Hotels require credit cards for advance booking – Many hotels require credit cards for advanced booking. They need your credit card so that they can charge you with a cancellation fee if you withdraw at the very last minute. Car rentals also require credit cards for advance bookings.

Sometimes Credit Cards Are Just Plain Dumb – Yes, sometimes credit cards offer deals that are too good to be true. Here are a few example of how credit cards have fallen over us consumers just to get us to sign up.

Usually sites based on WordPress add a “nofollow” tag to all comment links. This prevents search engines from counting the link for the purposes of ranking/relevance. I do not think that this is fair! If you have taken the time to write valid comments then I think that you deserve a live link!

Please remember that all comments have to be approved by me, and that comments unsympathetic to people with debt problems will never be approved.

Business Loan FAQs MerchantLoans.com provides all of the the information you need to obtain your merchant loan.

3 years on and I have resolved my debt crisis.  I am looking forward to the future and am remarkably still married.  The process of working through my debt crisis  wasn’t easy, but the tough decisions I took then are starting to pay off now.

What is your debt story?  Write a reply here, you might find that just writing it down helps you to come to terms with it/see what needs to be done to fix it.

Good luck!